I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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