You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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