is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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