It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
