I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
