mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
