do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
