I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
