i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i now understand why vodka
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
