at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
