my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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