so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it because I queefed?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
