Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
