Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
