please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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