so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
