Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I understand Curling. That high.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
