all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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