no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
