If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
