for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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