it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
