sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
These tits shall not be calmed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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