i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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