And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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