8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
