I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
