i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
