I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
