Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
