You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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