So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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