I faked an abortion last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
