Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
