Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
