hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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