doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
