I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
