jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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