there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
