3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
