dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
