4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
nut hugger
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
