I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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