just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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