isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
