there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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