i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i will never coherently bang her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
