I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
