I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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